Why do we struggle with self-love? It should be so easy, but in practice it rarely is. If you’re struggling with self-love, you’re not alone. During February, the month of love, let’s explore something new – loving ourselves.

Why is it so important? 

Every time we fly we are told by the airline to put our own oxygen mask on first before assisting others. This is a great analogy for talking about self-love and self-care. By making an effort to take care of ourselves first (putting on that oxygen mask), we are ensuring that we have the capacity to care for others.

Self-love is essential for self-care. It is as important as brushing our teeth in the morning. It’s about taking time to recharge so we have the energy to care for ourselves and others. It means taking on the responsibility to make ourselves feel good rather than placing hope on others, or outside circumstances, to do it for us.

Set healthy boundaries 

Some of us constantly sacrifice our own wellbeing to please others. Giving to family or friends is wonderful but shouldn’t cost us our mental or emotional wellbeing. Self-love and self-care is not being selfish. It’s taking care of our own needs too. We can’t pour love over others if our cup is empty. And the way to fill it up is to love ourselves as well. 

Interrupt those negative thoughts 

Can we accept ourselves for who we truly are? All the parts of ourselves? It’s easy to love our beautiful aspects. But embracing the less than pleasant parts is more difficult. We may hide them from others due to shame or fear of judgement, but we can’t hide them from ourselves.  

Self-love starts with considering all parts of our being with honesty. If there is any area we are not proud of, that we can improve? Do we have the tools? The courage? What would the steps look like in our plan to achieve this goal? If not, can we at least accept it? Or change our negative thoughts about it to something positive?  

Research reveals that if we tell ourselves any thought long enough it becomes our reality. That’s true whether the thought is negative or positive. Replacing limiting or negative self-talk with positive messaging has been used successfully by athletes for years.  And other studies determine the ’Upward spiral theory of lifestyle change’ which explains how talking in a loving way to ourselves encourages sticking to healthier ways of thinking and acting. Two birds one stone. We feel happier and live better as a result. Great news for anyone living with a chronic condition like diabetes. 

What are positive self-talk ideas? 

Some call them affirmations and pin them up in places they pass often. Hearing ourselves say them aloud is especially powerful. 

Or we can start speaking to ourselves as we would our best friend. Try this exercise. Think of a situation where you might naturally speak negatively to or about yourself. Then step out of it in your mind. Imagine your most loved one is in your place in the same situation. What might you say to them? Then start repeating that to yourself instead of the negative comment you say out of habit. 

You’ve heard that practice makes perfect. Start practising now.

Try giving yourself a compliment such as: 

• I’m a winner because I achieved my goal of eating five serves of vegetables each day
• I’m creative, my boss approved my proposal
• Congratulations to myself for being so patient today in terrible traffic
• I can learn from this situation and grow as a person.

Giving ourselves compliments may feel strange at first but with time it gets easier.  

Be forgiving 

We all make mistakes. This is a normal part of life. Embrace your past. Forgive yourself. You did the best you could with the information you knew and the circumstances you were in, including your emotional and mental state at the time. Life is full of learning opportunities. With learning we grow, and these lessons are priceless. 

Spend time in nature 

Whether it’s the beach, a bush walking trail, or a sunburnt plain, absorb the smells, the sounds, the feeling of wind in your hair. If you can’t physically spend time in nature stick a picture on the wall and have a fan blowing in your face – imagination is powerful. Studies show this type of visualisation reduces anxiety, improves blood pressure, blood glucose levels and makes you happier. And people living with diabetes who are happier show lower markers of inflammation, better overall health, and longevity. 

Gratitude 

It’s extremely easy to go to the school of “I’ll be happy when…” but when we achieve that, we start looking for the next thing ‘guaranteed’ to make us happier. We may never get to the place where we are truly content. Research reveals concentrating on being grateful for our current circumstances, even just for a few minutes each day, produces positive results for diabetes self-management and glycaemic control.  

Each of us has a unique set of challenges. It’s how we perceive and respond to these that matter. Can we celebrate the small wins along the way? Or see beauty in the simplest things? Discovering some area of our lives to be grateful for, even when experiencing tough times, enhances how we cope. Let’s develop and enjoy our overall ability to be positive, take care of, and love ourselves unconditionally. 

Conclusion 

There are billions of kind, giving, amazing and lovable people in the world and you are one of them. Self-love means you appreciate you. Focus on yourself and your own personal journey. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding and value. Self-love motivates positivity in behaviours and self-compassion, even when our world is not one hundred percent as we would like it to be.  

Loving ourselves can become a way of life, reducing self-sabotaging thoughts and taking rest when we need to recharge. Studies show a link between our psychological wellbeing and our ability to self-manage our diabetes. Practicing self-love increases our resilience through the tough times as well as our ability to celebrate our achievements. And seeing life from both sides of the fence can increase our capacity to care for others with true empathy and compassion.  

By Constance Russell Registered Nurse and Credentialled Diabetes Educator